I thought this was a pretty good rant...

Quote:

The Case For Leaving Twitter by ADepressedPossum

Paradox Of Tolerance

By now, most people have heard of Karl Popper’s paradox of tolerance. The philosophy that in order to maintain a tolerant society, we must be intolerant of the intolerant.

To go with the old Nazi bar analogy: you open a new dive bar, and in the opening crowd comes a few Nazis. They’re comfortable making their views known, and using the bar as a platform to recruit others. The tolerant thing to do, is to give them as much right to their views as any other. The right thing to do, is to remove them from the bar. So long as they remain, they will recruit compatriots, push out regular patrons, and before long what you will have is a Nazi bar.

But here, I want to introduce the opposite, the paradox of intolerance. Assume the same analogy, but you don’t own the bar. The bartender isn’t keen on kicking out paying customers. In this case, you have only words. You attempt to organize a protest to shout the Nazis out of the bar, but in turn, they do the same. They bring in Nazis from all over the country to engage in a war of words. What you have now, is an even bigger Nazi bar.

In case you haven’t guessed, the latter example is social media. When you attempt to utilize the paradox of tolerance, but lack control over the space, what you get is just more intolerance. Everyone is forced to engage in intolerance be it for, or against the bad actors, but at no point will the intolerance ever result in the creation of a tolerant space. Now, you might be saying, isn’t that better than just letting them go unchecked? I’d argue not, and please allow me to explain.

The Bullshit Asymmetry Principal

So the law goes, “it takes exponentially more effort to refute bullshit than to create it”. But, personally, I think there’s more to it. The human brain is wired in such a way that we prefer comfortable lies to painful truths. It’s how much of the far-right works. They love the term “facts over feelings”, but the far-right has never been anything more than feelings.

Let’s take a common right-wing populist stance: immigrants are stealing your jobs. Are they? No. Every single bit of science, every study, every paper, points toward immigration growing the economy, making life better for everyone. So then, why is it such a popular belief? Well quite simply, it’s more comfortable to separate a group into “others”, then blame them for your own problems. Why didn’t you get that promotion to regional manager? Was someone more qualified given the job? Or was it because there’s too many immigrants and the industry is just too competitive now. Sometimes the wrong answer is the preferred.

Our egos are always leading us away from the truth. It hurts to acknowledge our own flaws, so we gravitate towards any way to blame others. And the far-right, they do blaming others better than anyone. Your personality isn’t why you can’t keep a girlfriend, it’s the women, they’re asking for too much. The immigrants are taking all the jobs. And the gays? They’re radicalizing your kids. All it takes is one Andrew Tate to destroy the minds of an entire generation. The bullshit is not only asymmetrical, it’s addictive. It feeds right into all our insecurities.

Ragebait

Call-out culture has been a powerful tool in accountability. If someone says something objectively questionable and faces backlash, it may cause them to reconsider their position, or at least not make it public in the future. Unfortunately, it’s become all too predictable. Right-wing grifters know they can spread their message by intentionally making posts that are disagreeable to all but the intended audience. Everyone else will quote-tweet their posts to dunk or debunk them, spreading the message far and wide until it reaches its target.

Essentially, when you try to debate feelings with facts, you are playing checkers into their chess. If the target were looking for facts, they’d unlikely be gravitating towards far-right content in the first place. They’re hurt, and they’re looking for someone to blame. The last thing you want to do is point them towards whoever is going to show them who. Many activists feel as if they’re convincing people by calling out far-right misinformation, but in doing so extend its reach, helping it find its way to the people who wanted to hear it.

If you were to make the case against any far-right talking point in a vacuum, depending on your communication skills you could probably convince at least a couple of people. Unfortunately, this is almost never what happens. Many right-wing talking points are so silly, so ridiculous, that you’d look a fool to even debate them. If I randomly start a Twitter thread denouncing the existence of jewish space lazers, I’d look like a complete lunatic. I need a trigger, a post or an article making the claim I wish to debunk. And this, is how the paradox of tolerance fails.

Negative Engagement Farming

In needing to prove to my audience that “yes, someone really said that”, I must boost the original content. I need to show my followers that this is a real argument that must be debunked. Deep down, I know it’s not. I know it’s dumb, I know nobody who is capable of rational critical thought is buying into it, but we love to take the moral high ground, the air is so clean up here.

People taking time out of their day to deconstruct and fact-check every nonsensical take not only spreads the original, but adds credibility. It’s the forbidden knowledge phenomenon. People are drawn to conspiracies because it gives them the feeling of superiority that comes with possessing information that experts don’t want them to have. If this claim isn’t credible, then why are so many people desperate to discredit it?

When you quote retweet that racist, misogynist, transphobic, homophobic, xenophobic nonsense you allow it to proliferation. A quote-tweet is a retweet. Take a post that nobody in a million years would retweet, give them a quote-tweet button instead, and it’s going viral yesterday. The debunking is just preaching to the choir. For every fence sitter you may convince with facts, 5 others are lured to the other side by feelings. It’s no coincidence that far-right content is spreading like wildfire on Twitter. It’s not suddenly any more popular an ideology than before, you’re just placing it in front of more eyes.

Every quote tweet call-out, every article debunk, every intolerant reply, you’re just boost them in the algorithm. It comes back to the age-old saying “there’s no such thing as bad publicity”. You tell yourself if you fact-check them hard enough, embarrass them thoroughly enough, then they’ll stop. But this is their entire marketing strategy, why they hell would they stop? It’s bait, it was always bait. The more baity the better.

Do we honestly believe an account named “Nick Adams (Alpha Male)” was not aware what they were doing when they Tweeted “Alphas don’t need to announce they’re alphas, everyone just knows.”? The bait is so low quality, so obvious, but people simply cannot help themselves.

Twitter’s Home-field Disadvantage

With Twitter specifically, you don’t just not control the space. The owner has made it clear they are on the side of far-right reactionaries, and are skewing the algorithm in their favor. Any possible ground you think you’re holding can just be taken away with the click of a button. You’re not fighting a war, you’re not stopping Twitter from falling into the hands of the far-right, you’re selling burgers in a Nazi bar, paying more than you profit in rent. Every dollar Twitter makes in ad revenue is a dollar against everything you stand for.

People don’t come to Twitter for its far-right hate content. Nor do the advertisers come to market to them. If that was what the masses wanted, then Parler, Gab, TruthSocial, amd 8chan would all be far more popular than they are. The fact of the matter is, people come to Twitter for news, culture, discussions. By staying, you don’t hold any ground, you maintain the viability of a platform hell-bent on promoting far-right ideology. So long as there’s content other than hate, people will have a reason to stay.

I can say with almost 100% certainty, Twitter is dead. Its business model was not viable back then, and its definitely not viable now. Twitter will collapse. It’s not a question of if, but when. At the end of the day, you’re going to have to rebuild your followings elsewhere. The only question is, do you start now, encouraging your followers to migrate while you still have access to them, or do you prop up this system until the very end?

With every passing day, the platform become more and more extreme. The algorithm is twisted to amplify far-right authoritarianism, dangerous conspiracy theories, and hatred of minorities. Twitter will go away, but the damages it has caused will not. The platform cannot survive without you, but it can survive in spite of you.

Fear Of The Unknown

I’ve talked about how the far-right favors feelings over facts, but let’s think about ourselves. Why are we still on Twitter? Do we really believe we’re fighting the good fight? Or is it just convenient. Subjecting oneself to the constant hate and vitriol is not healthy. It’s psychologically damaging. It’s like a trauma bond in an abusive relationship. Maybe we’re scared to leave? Maybe we don’t want to find out how many of our friends and followers won’t join us at the new place? But then I’d ask, were they really friends or followers to begin with?

By establishing an account elsewhere, you give people the reason they need to leave. Some may be stubborn and stay, but ultimately, the platform will eventually collapse regardless. You only get to decide whether you start over from scratch and risk getting lost in the noise, or have a well established presence on other platforms for others to gravitate to.

I’ll leave you with that thought, and ask of you the following: if you see someone talking about “fighting for Twitter”, please send them this.

Quote:For the first time since 1973, Israel has officially declared war. This is in response to terrorist raids where Hamas killed hundreds of civilians, with death tolls still rising. The United States has committed to stand alongside Israel in the war. Yet there are reports of U.S. funds having been used by Iran to bankroll the attack, rumors of U.S. weapons from Afghanistan having found their way to the Hamas terrorists, and questions of hidden agendas or alliances tied in with the conflict. In this episode of Crossroads, we’ll explain the deeper context of these issues.

I've wondered about this myself.

Quote:Could the decades-long pursuit of unraveling the UFO mystery potentially function as a cover for advanced government research and testing programs for innovative forms of propulsion and craft design? Moreover, might the recent rollout of official government hearings signal a gradual disclosure of some of those capabilities?

This scenario is worth considering, as the process of investigating UFOs comes into sharper public focus.

This year, fascination with unidentified flying objects (UFOs) and unidentified aerial phenomena (UAPs) has spiked. David Grusch, a former intelligence official who led the analysis of UAPs within the US military, told a congressional hearing in July that the United States had been collecting non-human craft “for decades.”

At the first Republican presidential debate on August 23, candidates were asked about the US president’s responsibility to provide information to the public about UFOs. And on August 31, the Pentagon launched a new website providing the public with declassified information about sightings.

Mainstream intrigue surrounding UFOs was born after the 1947 Roswell incident, the crash of what was initially described by the US military as a “flying disc” in Roswell, New Mexico, but later attributed to a weather balloon.

To quell public fear and speculation, official government studies to investigate UFO/UAP reports, including Project Blue Book, Project Sign, and Project Grudge, were launched. While the US government feared air warning systems could be overwhelmed by reports, it was also wary of Soviet attempts to boost false sightings and promote conspiracy theories that could instigate panic and allegations of a coverup.

During the Cold War, UFO reports became common, often coinciding with missile and rocket tests (a habit that continues today). Several Soviet and US military personnel also testified that UFOs were able temporarily to take control over missile and nuclear facilities.

Official disinformation

However, in 1997, the US Central Intelligence Agency revealed that the military had lied to the public throughout the Cold War about many UFO sightings to obscure its black projects and keep Moscow in the dark about technological advancements. Blaming sightings on natural phenomena like ice crystals and temperature inversions fueled public distrust toward the government and its claims about UFOs/UAPs.

Many secret military aircraft were frequently mistaken for UFOs, such as the U-2 reconnaissance plane, introduced in the 1950s, which featured a gray frame that often reflected the sun. The SR-71 “Blackbird” meanwhile started service in 1966 and wasn’t declassified until the 1990s. Its distinctive shape, speed, and altitude capabilities were often mistaken for a UFO.

The B-2 Spirit, introduced in the late 1980s, also had a unique aerodynamic design and its ability to control lift, thrust, and drag at low speeds often gave the appearance that it was hovering.

Since the Cold War, secretive experimental military aircraft have continued to generate UFO reports. But unexplained phenomena have also fueled conspiracy theories.

In November 2004 off the coast of San Diego, US Navy pilots filmed UFOs demonstrating rapid acceleration, physics-defying sudden changes in direction, and other feats in videos eventually released to the public in 2017. And despite formalizing a UFO/UAP reporting process in 2019, navy pilots and other US military personnel who have witnessed them have been hesitant to come forward because of fear of ridicule or professional repercussions.

The US military’s reluctance to disclose UFO/UAP information is often linked to the need to protect classified technology. Military agencies can choose neither to confirm nor deny such information exists.

But when the government transparency website, the Black Vault, submitted a Freedom of Information Act request to the navy for more UFO/UAP videos, it was denied because it would harm national security and “may provide adversaries valuable information regarding Department of Defense/navy operations, vulnerabilities, and/or capabilities.”

Releasing these videos without additional information may also be an effective way for the US military to hint at its own new technological capacities for various strategic, political, and scientific reasons. Suddenly revealing these technologies could result in rising geopolitical tensions and trigger a reaction, while merely hinting at it may also serve as a deterrence to adversaries.

Gradually preparing the public for emerging technologies is equally as important, while encouraging speculation about UFO/UAPs could divert attention away from classified projects.

By clandestinely testing experimental new technologies on their own defenses without resorting to lethal forces, military agencies can also gain valuable insights into their capabilities and vulnerabilities in real-world scenarios.

A 2021 report by the DoD’s intelligence agencies also noted that many UFOs/UAPs were “technologies deployed by China, Russia, another nation, or a non-governmental entity.” The New York Times broke the story days before an updated version was provided to Congress in 2022.

An ongoing investigation by The Warzone meanwhile suggests there are a large number of hostile drones mistaken for UFOs/UAPs that the US government has until recently failed to confront.

Being unable to properly identify another country’s experimental aircraft, by labeling it a UFO/UAP, would also demonstrate shortcomings in US air defense systems. Similarly, releasing documentation of US surveillance of other countries’ stealth aircraft and other technology would give them a better idea of US military capabilities and would alert these countries that they were being surveilled.

Corporate involvement

In addition to other countries, companies are also responsible for a significant number of UFO/UAP reports.

The first drones were manufactured more than a century ago in the UK and US, and the capabilities of the private sector have grown considerably since then.

Camouflage technology has made commercial drones increasingly difficult to clearly identify, and hundreds of drones by China’s largest drone maker, DJI, were noted to have entered restricted airspace in Washington in 2022 alone. And, of course, commercial drones can be purchased and used by other governments.

Nonetheless, many of the technological developments concerning advanced aircraft stem from the US military and other agencies.

Since the 1970s, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has expanded on ideas developed by scientist and engineer Arthur Kantrowitz to use lasers to launch satellites without fuel or an engine, with successful tests carried out in the late 1990s.

The US Air Force and NASA have both continued developing this technology in the 21st century, while NASA has also explored plasma propulsion technology that may have caused numerous UFO/UAP reports.

The US Navy has pushed the boundaries of technology further with the development of laser-induced plasma technology, patented in 2018. This innovation can generate extremely high temperatures in the air, creating plasma that can be harnessed to form intricate shapes and lifelike optical illusions, even simulating aircraft performing seemingly impossible maneuvers.

Additionally, the US military has developed the ability to produce sound out of lasers, which would add an additional layer of realism to UFO/UAP sightings.

Over the last few years, increasing attention has also been brought to projects by Salvatore Cezar Pais, an aerospace engineer and scientist who has worked for the US Navy and the US Naval Air Warfare Center Aircraft Division (NAWCAD).

Despite lacking empirical evidence and rigorous, peer-reviewed scientific scrutiny, his alleged breakthroughs in propulsion and energy generation would serve as some of the most groundbreaking technological breakthroughs in history.

Pais’ patents with the US Navy relate to the development of advanced propulsion systems that could potentially lead to rapid thrust technology and an abundance of clean energy generation. This includes a “craft using an inertial mass reduction device,” which was patented in 2018, while a patent for a “plasma compression fusion device” was also filed but later appeared to be abandoned.

Nonetheless, documents retrieved by The Warzone through the US Freedom of Information Act reveal that his inventions are being considered for the Air Force, NASA, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

Of course, like the late US president Ronald Reagan’s proposed “Star Wars” missile defense system in the 1980s, Pais’ patents could be designed to bait adversaries into a costly arms race. That is not to say that these countries are not already developing their own fascinating projects.

China has been drastically increasing its development of plasma technology in recent years, and alongside the UK, Germany and Japan, is developing Active Flow Control (AFC) technology to improve aerodynamic performance in aircraft. European entities have also recently made breakthroughs in plasma propulsion technology, which may boost UFO/UAP reports across the continent.

Amid these developments, it remains crucial for the public to stay engaged and informed about UFOs/UAP – the more publicly observed the evidence is, the harder it becomes to manipulate. Considering the history of government audacity in crafting political and war propaganda, we should remain skeptical of the entities shaping narratives about extraplanetary intelligent life.

A shift toward de-stigmatizing and embracing a public approach to UFOs/UAP, both domestic and foreign, is essential.

Alongside the Black Vault, initiatives like the open-data Galileo Project, spearheaded by Avi Loeb of Harvard University’s Astronomy Department, are actively seeking evidence of extraterrestrial life and pushing our understanding of outer space.

By involving the public in the search for answers, we can bridge gaps in understanding and move closer to demystifying these phenomena.

This article was produced by Globetrotter, which provided it to Asia Times.

YOUR CAR HAS THE FOOTAGE. HONK IF YOU'RE READY FOR YOUR UNWITTING SEX TAPE DEBUT!

Quote:Ah, cars. They've evolved from symbols of freedom to diligent informants, ensuring society remains in order. Buying a shiny new sedan? You're not just gaining a means of transportation, but a vigilant watchdog against any potential missteps or general no-nos.

Mozilla's recent study confirmed a commendable achievement by modern auto-makers: all 25 car companies examined surpassed conventional privacy boundaries, and garnered a "Privacy Not Included" award! Truly, a testament to their commitment to oversight and societal betterment!

Hats off to our auto lords, as their privacy policies allow them to track that date you went on last Friday. Your car wasn't just idly recording your deep conversations, it was actively monitoring to correct any wrongthink. And those steamy backseat escapades? Your car ensures such unsanctioned pleasures are kept in check.

In this age of super-helpful gadgets, big cheers for our observant companions! Remember, they're not just watching, they're caring... in a proactive way. Drive carefully and maybe wear your best outfit—you're on Candid Camera!

The UK launched the HotSat-1 satellite with a thermal imager. It can track hot and cold spots up to 3.5m in diameter on Earth.

You ready for the next level of big brother?

Quote:A novel UK satellite has returned its first pictures of heat variations across the surface of the Earth.

HotSat-1 carries the highest resolution commercial thermal sensor in orbit, enabling it to trace hot and cold features as small as 3.5m across.

In the initial imagery, a Chicago train is observed moving through the night and the flame fronts of Canadian wildfires are precisely mapped.

London operator SatVu plans to launch seven additional spacecraft.

This will increase the volume of data it can acquire but also reduce the time between passes over particular locations, meaning changes in a scene can be detected more rapidly.

HotSat-1, with its mid-wave infrared camera, was assembled by Surrey Satellite Technology Ltd (SSTL) in Guildford and launched in June on a SpaceX rocket flying out of California.

The spacecraft manufacturer is due to complete its in-orbit testing and commissioning phase in the next week.

"At that point 'we get the keys', so to speak, and we'll then be able to task the satellite ourselves and get the data down for our customers," Tobias Reinicke, the chief technology officer at SatVu, told BBC News.

They'll permit urban planners, for example, to see roof tops and walls. This will enable them to understand the temperature profiles of individual buildings, offices and factories. It's information that can identify infrastructure that's wasting energy and is in need of better insulation.

"We've got 28 million homes in the UK, most of which are quite poorly insulated," commented Prof Emily Shuckburgh.

"Being able to identify those buildings with this sort of information, prioritising them for better insulation and then assessing the quality of that is really, really important," the director of Cambridge Zero, the University of Cambridge's climate change initiative, said.

...
The technology in HotSat-1 was funded with R&D money from the UK and European space agencies (UKSA & Esa).

Independent remote-sensing expert Dr Simon Proud commented: "The prospects of HotSat-1 for urban planning and agriculture are exciting. But we need to assess how accurate the data is, especially during the day when the satellite sees sunlight on top of the actual temperature.

"It's also key to have stable measurements over time - essential for monitoring the success of interventions like adding roof insulation to a house or trees to a car park," the RAL Space and National Centre for Earth Observation scientist told BBC News.

Quote:Viral Norman Rockwell AI art reveals debauchery in Biden’s fallen America like you’ve never seen before…
October 8, 2023 (2 days ago)

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There’s an incredible new viral sensation sweeping the internet, and it’s both powerful and thought-provoking, offering a compelling snapshot of Biden’s America in disarray. So, what’s this intriguing online phenomenon?
Norman Rockwell paints modern America.
It’s a disturbing yet profoundly provocative modern AI tribute to Norman Rockwell, reimagining today’s disgraceful USA in Rockwell’s iconic style. Whoever conceived this idea is truly ingenious. These images are striking because they place the everyday propaganda we’re exposed to within the context of normal life, revealing the extent of how far we’ve fallen.
Let’s take a closer look at some of these powerful images:
You will eat the bugs…

The current state of liberal-run cities:


Praying to the Apple gods…

Looters are celebrated for seizing what they believe is rightfully theirs.

Wine moms and aunts.

Americas overly processed lifestyle.

Today’s untrustworthy FBI.

Only black lives matter.

Girls erased…

I like this !

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ovHJA2BGzaU

Hamas has said this is just the beginning... Israel initial response has been a few airstrikes reportedly killing 198 in Palestine. Holiday, and the Iron Dome seemed to be out of commission or not as effective as the propaganda would have you believe. Look at Europe, and certain states in America... Non Muslims can not live in peace with the soldiers of Allah

I have been having a recurring dream for quite a while now. Last night this recurring dream progressed, and it's all kinda neat and interesting. So, I'd like to share it with you all. 

The dream I'm speaking of has been going on for about a decade now. In the dream I am always in a house with my family. It's never all of them at once, but they are all always in the background of the dream even if I don't see them. I have now had this particular dream in every house we ever lived in. Plus there have been a few where it was a new house we had recently moved into. There was one or two where this took place in my grandparents home; and that is both sides of grandparents. I have now had this dream about a dozen times. Always different, but always the same.

The dreams are pretty simple.

In these dreams I am with a family member in one of these homes. There always seems to be an undertone of family argument going on; and in some a full blown argument. Then suddenly a snake appears that has been hidden somewhere. The snake is always different. It has been everything from a tiny white snake to a giant green and black snake. In every dream the snake is about to attack and so I choose to fight the snake. I always look for a way to capture the head of the snake. A dozen (or so) times I have been attacked by this dream snake, and every time I have been able to capture it by its head before it can bite. In a few I have killed the snake. . In each dream the snake strikes at me, but ive never been bitten. These dreams are always dark and disturbing feeling, but I have always been able to grab hold and subdue the snake, and thus protect my family.

Last night I had a new one...


In this one I was in one of our homes. This was the first one that took place in this particular home. 
In the dream it seems I am in some argument with my sister or something. It's always night time, or dark in these dreams. I am walking through from the bedroom to the living room and there is a basket up high on the wall with something in it I need to get. I start to rummage around in the basket, but cannot see what I am doing because the basket is high up on the wall. As I am fumbling around in the basket I start to hear a rattle sound (the sound of a rattle snake). I pull my hand from the basket, and am somehow at eye level looking into the basket now, and there are two rattlesnakes squirming around in there and rattling away at me. One strikes at me and misses. I back away and across the living room looking at the basket trying to figure out how I'm going to capture these snakes. I have a realization now of this familiar dream, and so I do a "dream check" where i ask myself in the dream, "am I dreaming?" This felt so real I had determined that this was actually happening, and we were in real danger now, because as I'm thinking this both snakes crawl out and down the wall and then in different directions.
( I'm unable to articulate how real this all felt, but these dreams are really intense)
 I choose the snake that scurries off to the bedroom that my sister was in. I quickly find the snake and snatch it up by its head, and feel that feeling of relief that i had caught the snake before it could hurt me or anyone else... but this time it was only for a short moment, because the last thought I had as I was waking up was on the snake I didn't catch.



This was the first rattlesnake I had in this recurring dream. First time it was two snakes, and not just one. It was the first time I didn't "conquer" the snakes because of the one that got away. 


This is a different feeling because of that. I usually feel like I have defeated the evil that is trying to get my family. And yes, this is the metaphor I see the dream as. I wont divulge too much more of how I interpret them because i'd like to see what you come up with. I will say, I have a very toxic family though. But this one has me perplexed enough that I thought I'd give it to you all, and see what you fine folks here on rogue-nation come up with.

Interpret away, or just share any recurring dreams like this. Apparently this is a very common dream. Snakes in a dream are pretty significant and can mean a kindsbof things.
It'll be interesting to me to see what you guys and gals see in these types of recurring dreams.

Hi all. 

I don't post here much, and when I do it's something about me. Sorry, don't know where else to post it without getting negative comments. Here everyone is always kind 


So anyway. I'm 51. I grew up in Europe ,and my dad being American moved to Europe to live in my moms country.
It was not a happy marriage, more like brother/sister, probably why I never saw the point of marriage , but that's not what my rant is about.
 
My father has ruined my life , and everyday it's going through my head how I wish I had spoken up sooner to stop some of it.
So when he retired he wanted to move back to the US. By then I was in my 20s and was still living at home till this point when they decided to move to the US. I didn't want to move so stayed behind (I was 23 at this point).

I loved finally being free and being on my own , it was fantastic. Those were the happies days of my life, I miss them dearly.
My dad never wrote me, never a phone call , never a card (this was in the 90s, so before texting etc).
I recieved many letters and phonecalls from my mom  . I visited maybe twice a year (dad bought my tickets) as I was pretty broke at the time. After about 3 years my dad said he was not going to pay for tickets anymore and if I wanted to see my mom that meant moving there, he'd pay for that.  He knew that because of my mental health issues it was diffiicult for me to work and make a decent living. So , to my feeling , he pretty much blackmailed me into moving.

I turned to self harm those months before the dreaded move, and got several tattoos (another form of selfharm) and turned to OCD (taking photos of streets everywhere in the Netherlands as I'd not see it again for some time).
When I arrived here he took away what little financial independance I had and I never saw my bank accounts again.
I let it happen as I was used to this treatment I guess (now I wouldn't allow this ).

So I was angry with him , the first 10 years I lived here. I was isolated , missed my best friend in Europe and was lonely and depressed. More OCD followed. I developed an eating disorder after some comments from him as well , at the time I was dieting and it instantly switched to bulimia.

I hated my life and my body and this brought some comfort in food and the release of the purge I guess. 
I've never had any relationship with my father. He never hugged me, never said he loved me. 
I was always single off course, my guess it's related. If , as a woman, your own father doesn't want to hug you or says he loves you , why would any man?

For me, because of my mental health issues it would have been easier to find a job , and maybe have some normal life, with god forbid some social life back in Europe , but here it failed miserably. 
I did meet someone online , years ago , he remained in Europe the whole time, and so the only relationship ever that had some meaning was long distance the whole time. The travel was very difficult for me due to , once again, my mental health issues . So it was very little and something I hated and rather avoided. 
Once we had a child it became even more difficult, and while my son lived with his father in Europe and I didn't get to see him for 7 months I developed another OCD (related to my son, not going into details here about that) . 
But had I lived in Europe I would have been much nearer and the travel would have been possible, and so I would never have been separated from my son so long. 

I lost my best friend in Europe by now , lost my home country (it will allways remain that) , and am about to lose my favorite aunt (the only one who ever gave a shit about me from all my extended family).  She's in her nineties and suffering from severe dementia. I have barely seen here the last few years , also because again , my difficulties with travel .

My whole life would have been different if my father had respected me enough as an adult to not blackmail me away from my home country . I would have never gotten the stupid tattooes, never gotten most of my OCD, never the eating disorder, would have had a normal life by now ,most likely, with a job and maybe a husband in a place of my own (oh I forgot to say , I've been planted in the same house with my brother 20something years ago ,stuck here now).

My father has been dead since 2014 , and I don't miss him at all even. In fact I'm angry with him most days as my life is ruined .
This anger has only come out the last few years, must have held it in for all those years as I , of course, never expressed myself this way towards my father.

I see no future, no bright future at least. I might exist and continue to force myself to do so , for my loved ones, but I'd rather be dead . 

Thanks for letting me rant, I need to get this all out .

Edit to add: I was on disablity income , at the time I was still in Europe , and he blackmailed me into moving and took over my account.
Obviously if I was working it would have been different.